all my gadgets together at last

I like gadgets. Mostly electronic ones. I have a cell phone, an iPod and a Palm (although it's so old that it's becoming somewhat less useful, as nobody makes software for it anymore and it's got a very clunky operating system that Palm apparently abandoned five years ago). I also find the Kindle interesting, although it's not available in Canada, and won't be in the foreseeable future.

I was thinking about what I'd want in my pocket -- the ideal device that would eliminate the need to carry more than one piece of hardware, and would eliminate the need for more than one charger. It should:

• play music, especially mp3s
• display photos
• play movies (full length!)
• have both a headphones port and a small speaker (high sound quality not required)
• have WiFi
• have Bluetooth
• be a phone and text-messaging device
• if possible, have a physical keyboard -- nice but I can live with a good touchscreen keyboard, like the iPod's
• have internet access without necessarily having WiFi, like a smartphone
• have as much memory as possible -- minimum 80 GB of storage
• have a large screen
• have a reliable battery with a long life
  

Software-wise, I need:

• a good internet browser, not the POS browser on most mobile devices
  
• a good email program
• a calendar that syncs with iCal for the Mac, and a contacts program that syncs with Address Book
• UpToDate, a program I use for work (it's available on the internet but would be more reliable as a stand-alone program)
• a quick, easy way to find and load new programs on it
• a good way to read e-books, and an easy-to-download way to get them
• an easy-to-use interface and operating system

Sounds like I'm looking for an iPhone that's a bit bigger than the current model but smaller than a Kindle, with easily accessible e-books, with a less heavy-handed attitude towards what third-party developers can provide, and for UpToDate to get their act together and make a stand-alone program for it.

Not asking for much, am I?